Hi Everyone! We are off to a great start. Here are some stories that I think are great. Keep them coming. Just hope I can hold down the laughter while compiling the stories for distribution!

MsBoots

Hello...
A fun pic

and an upgrade story for the fun newsletter.
Greetings

Smiley

Query to Tech Support: Upgrade concerns with Wife v1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta Release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
- A "don't remind me again" button,
- A minimize button,
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources,
- An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that is very irritating: all versions of GirlFriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0. You can in no way cancel these messages, you have to accept them.

Last Bug Report
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented feature (=bug): if you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable financial files, before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Be aware that, if you try running Mistress 1.1 (or any similar shareware application for that matter) on someone else's system, Wife 1.0 on your system may still show the behaviour described above, due to viruses you may transport from one system to the other.

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I loved this one Smiley *lol* and that hit.gif. Ohhhh!!! Now I get it, I have to to do thaaattt to get my PC working? Thanks for the tip :-) I may just try that some day. hehehe

But I really prefered this next one form Sir_G *rofl*

MsBoots

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More Daily Dose of Humor
From: Sir_G

Men are like a fine wine:
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.

Men are like computers:
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like horoscopes:
They always tell you what to do, and they're usually wrong.

Men are like plungers:
They spend most of their time in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like parking spots:
The good ones are taken. and the rest are handicapped.

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.

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Subject: Delivery failure
From: Sir_G

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-
the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow
stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his
keys on five different cars before he found his. Then
the man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his
keys for several minutes. By this time everyone had
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his
engine and began to pull away. However, the police
officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer
test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled
officer demanded to know how that could be. With a
smile on his face, the driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the designated decoy!"

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Some things to ponder: from CuddlyBear

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

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Subject: Montana grizzly bear notice:

From: Sir_G
Montana grizzly bear notice:

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.Outdoorsmen can recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings through careful observation. Black bear shit is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings has little bells in it and smells somewhat like pepper spray.

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Yet another From Cuddlybear (Blond Joke)

A blond was tired of being thought stupid so she dyed her hair black. One day she was driving by a field of sheep when she saw the farmer.
She asked the farmer, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in the field, can I have one?" "Sure.", replied the farmer.
"1262", said the blond. "Exactly right!" replied the amazed farmer. "I don't know how you did it, but you did. You can have a sheep".
As the blond was loading her car, the farmer said "If I can tell you the original color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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Have a good weekend all!

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