Newsletter # 3


This has to be the best job around. In fact, it is the easiest job because all of you make it that way. Keep it coming!


Thanks for putting me on the mailing list and congrats.
Great jokes keep 'em coming......
HELP! I have a question ....but don't laugh..... How do I open hit.gif
I've double clicked the icon then clicked open open but nothing happens
(I'm pretty new to this computer stuff).




Glad you like our fun newsletter ;) and hope you'll be a regular contributor!

I bet others also had the same problem as you did! So here's a quick "how to".

To open the hit .gif do this:

Save it in a folder. Go to Paint, (start button, programs, accessories then hit Paint). In paint hit "file" , then hit open. When that window opens go get it in the folder that you put it into. Now choose in "file types" all picture files or .gif files, highlight the file and then hit open. You should have no problem opening it this way.


: )



New addition to the Web Site:

Get all the Host characters of the #Comic_Chat_Phoenix_Help room in one zipped file. Find it on the "Hosts & Volunteers" button

Once on the Host page scroll down to Zaxo's and Sparky's pages.

Unzip into your comicart file and just overwrite what you have now.

Remember you need Winzip or another utility and unzip in this path: c:\program files\Microsoft chat\comicart..

For some of you it may be "Chat" instead of "Microsoft Chat"

Have fun :-)


NEWS, NEWS, NEWS from the UK

News Flash from: Slippy the one and only dare devil reporter in Britain

The "local call" 0845 network in the UK is under enormous strain at the moment. Over recent months a number of FREE ISP's have come onto the market, providers such as FSBDial & Freeserve. The result of this has been an enormous surge in the use of the internet and increased demand in the "Local Call" network. Although the network is working hard to deal with the matter, there are problems occurring with internet connection with ISP's who use a narrow bandwidth.
Typical problems include, lengthy times & timeouts when connecting, No Answers, and unexplained remote modem disconnection's. NETCOMUK, is one such provider.

Stay tuned for further developments in Slippy's search for the perfect ISP.


News Bulletin

Miguel_1 corrupts Mig children:

See the proof for yourself!!!!! The stork just dropped into Mig"s palace with this little catch. Shame, tsk! tsk! After only one hour at Migs palace see the what can happen to your children!!!



A few good ones from: CuddlyBear

The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you wonder why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on geography)...


I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted "I know it is real, I see them check in every week!"

Also, I really did have someone ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response.... click.

A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angles. She gave me various names off a list, none of which I could find. I finally had her fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New Orleans, Louisiana.
She thought the LA stood for Los Angles, and that New Orleans was a suburb of L. A. Worst of all, when I called her back, she was not even embarrassed.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the
middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "but they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, " I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yea, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China 4 times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"


After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"


An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk.
The young man loved peanuts. One day while the older man was away from his desk, the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.
When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts. The old man responded, "That's OK. Since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off the M&Ms."


After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings. "Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.
"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it – a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions.
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity," replied St. Peter.
"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think that instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to
each one of these good people."

And so they did.

Do you know what the letter said?

(scroll down)

(scroll down a little more)

You didn't get the letter either, huh??


Have a good one and keep "em" coming




The Phoenix On-Line Foundation
La Fondation Phoenix En-Ligne
Chat, fun and help with facilitators
available for adaptive technologies.

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